The Internets is a series of gerbils, one gerbil for each “user.” When you “send” a “message” (or, in Stevens-speak, “an internet”), the gerbil takes it down shorthand and scurries through a series of tubes to its destination. The gerbil uploads the message to the inbox (short for “Internets Box”) and then presses the velvet-covered doorbell button. The receiver—say, Senator Stevens—may then safely peruse the porn ad. (Tomorrow we’ll explain “SpamGuard”—we don’t want to overwhelm him.)

Sometimes gerbils will stop to have wild gangbang gerbil sex along the way, which can result in delayed internet delivery. Twice a year the telecom companies clean the tubes by flushing them with water and a mild detergent, which also results in slight delays. But mostly the Internets operate smoothly, allowing for an uninterrupted flow of bogus information from the likes of Senator Stevens and Mike McCurry on net neutrality.

Source: Cheers & Jeers @ DailyKos.com

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