You are rarely actually in the city of San Jose.

Several “parties” you frequent take place inside someone’s garage amongst laundry, sitting on crates around a bong.

When people ask where you’re from, you say San Francisco.

Oakland is close enough so you can root for its teams, but far enough away so that you feel safe.

When you know you can get really good weed within 50 miles

You can distinguish between a cryp and a blood at Great America based upon the nuances of their limp.

You know why 280 south becomes 680 north.

You were afraid of the Silvercreek area until the country club was built.

Your elementary school field trips included the Children’s museum, Mission Santa Clara, and Happy Hollow.

You didn’t realize that San Jose` had an accent mark until the “San Jose` - the Capital of Silicon Valley” signs went up everywhere.

Highway 17 was the last frontier of your driver’s education.

When you thought you were going to die while someone else was driving highway 17.

You are just so proud of Dustin Diamond.

You don’t understand how you could have functioned before hway 85.

When you took your drivers license test in Gilroy because you heard it was the easiest one to pass.

Nickel City = Awesome.

You had your hair done at Special FX for prom.

You or a family member has made a donation to KQED.

You know at least three jokes regarding the ambiguous sexual orientation of boys from Bellarmine.

You refuse to recognize Cupertino as an autonomous municipality.

You learned the concept of “Duck and Cover” just in the nick of time.

You use “The Church on the Hill” as a landmark.

You’ve been to at least one party at the Vallco ice rink.

You’ve often mispronounce English words starting with “J”.

You’ve gotten in a car accident at Almaden and Blossom Hill.

Smashmouth. Don’t say ANYTHING.

You have an arsenal of tongue-in-cheek pet names for West Valley College.

You said “hella” in high school because it was the thing to say, and you say “hella” now to claim San Francisco. But you’re from San Jose.

You were usually in Santa Cruz in high school.

You can’t decide whether to take 101 or 280.

Top of the World is a romantic getaway.

You or a family member got a car on Capitol Expwy.

The only time you’ve ever been to the Winchester Mystery House is when an out-of-town relative insisted on seeing it.

You remember AFI before they hit the mainstream.

You know that “Christmas in the Park” has very little to do with an actual park.

You call it “San Ho” and laugh to yourself a little. Every time.

You participated in CCS.

You’ve eaten Golfland nachos.

You think lightrail is the ONLY way to go.

You went to Summer Jams or BFD.

You meet your friends at the Santa Teresa Starbucks. You smoke cigarettes outside the Santa Teresa Starbucks.

You show off your hot new Mustang Saleen at the Santa Teresa Starbucks.

You are a badass because you hang out at the Santa Teresa Starbucks.

You have comprehensive knowledge of Paul from the Diamond Center’s credentials and advertising campaigns.

You remember the cheese wheel at Cahalan Park as being a pretty hot makeout spot.

You’ve danced at the Edge.

You’re usually bored.

You go to LaFondue for your anniversary because its mandated by the city.
You have to go, its just something you have to do.

You don’t live there anymore.

You’ve made the joke about “Silicone Valley”.

Hicks Road scares the shit out of you.

You’ve crashed a computer company’s christmas party at the Fairmont.

You were at your computer company’s christmas party at the Fairmont when some loser burnouts crashed it.

You are in the drive-thru line at the Branham Jack-in-the-Box at 3am.

..Honestly, if you tell them about Smashmouth we’ll never live it down.

Remember Christy Yamaguchi.

Your don’t know exactly what your dad does, but you know its something in high tech.

Your mom is a member of AVAC.

You’ve tried to get to that building on the top of Mt. Umunhum.

When you are aware of the fact that its the third largest city in california dammit, its not like its some obscure town in the central valley or a high sierra mining camp. Its frickin San Jose. Its got like a million people. You haven’t heard of it? That’s because you’re ignorant. That’s because you’re ignorant and disgusting. PS we made your computer. Now do you feel stupid? A little bit? Yeah.

You went to a rave, knew someone who went to a rave, or at least pretended that you were a raver in the late 90s.

You know who the “Painter of Light” is.

You can judge a person with frightening acuity based on what high school they went to, regardless of that high school’s geographical location. Leland and Santa Teresa - case in point.

You saw Primus at the Cactus Club.

You know what yay is.

Vallco mall is dead to you.

When you know where that pile of crap statue is downtown.

You know about the orange sauce at La Victoria

You have a picture on YMetro.com or 123out.com

When you call Santana Row The Row

If you know who Santana Ray is! hea hea

You’ve been to a drag race at Bailey Road.

You’ve watched the 4th of July fireworks from Great America….
But you weren’t at Great America.

R.I.P Troy

You remember the Old Oakirdge Mall.

You know where “The Den” is referring to

You were at a party and thousands of dollars of items were stolen and or broken…. And then you partied at the same big ass house the next time their parents went out of town.

You’ve heard about some Amaden mom who had sex with someone who was 20 years younger, and in your high school class.

You went to high school with someone who got a Brand new $60,000 car for their 16th birthday…. And Totaled it With in 3 months.

You know who the Starving Millionaires are.

You’ve seen an Albino on Hicks Road.

You remember the Feed and Fuel.

You remember how exited you were when In and Out Burger opened across from Oakridge Mall.

All of your friends would meet up at the Jack in the Box parking lot off of Almaden and get drunk before and after the party.

You drove up to the lots and got stoned!

You started going to the Britt before you turned 21.

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